08 Feb Staff Movie Review: Hansel and Gretel (Don’t follow the Bread Crumbs)

Hansel and Gretel, Witch Hunters (2013) GRADE: C-

Director: Tommy Wirkola

Starring: Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton

In this new age, ass-kicking Grimm’s fairytale, Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) are guns for hire. Hansel and Gretel’s parents abandoned them in the woods one mysterious night and, just like in the original storybook, the two have to fight off a ravenous witch. They quickly turn this one event into a lifelong career. If there’s a witch, she burns by their hands. Nothing can shake their resolve until they stumble upon a secret from their childhood during one of their kidnapping cases.

First off, may I say that as the commercials and previews have shown, this is NOT a kids’ movie; the “R” rating on this film backs that up. There’s cursing, blood/brain/guts splatter, and just a splash of nudity. So please, for the sake of your children’s dreams, let them go see something else.

This film proves to be another story on the list of revamped storybook tales. Witches, trolls, werewolves, etc., seem to be the bread and butter of Hollywood lately. Maybe it’s because of the hard economic times, or for some other social reason, but whatever the case, this film being a revamped Grimm’s fairytale, is pretty dark. Grimm’s stories have always been dark, but with the help of makeup, CGI, and a Die Hard sensibility, this rendition goes the mile. The setting is a European town with a very Monty Python “Bring Out Your Dead!!” feel. Witches are depicted as growling, rotting women, who fit all the classic evil stereotypes of the witch hunting days. The witches look as though a lot of effort was put into their makeup and costumes. Very little CGI is used in their appearances, except for key moments. Not to mention there was an actual (well-crafted) puppet in the movie, which is worth noting because they are rare these days.

The plot is set up very quickly and easily. Witches eat children, therefore witches must die. Town’s are desperate, so they hire anybody who can do the job. Hansel and Gretel are the go-to exterminators when it comes to witches. The actors have a pretty easy job in this movie- to act like badasses. However, Renner and Arterton don’t seem to care too much about putting effort into this film. Arterton looks odd throwing wild haymakers, and when she drops an occasional “F-bomb”, it doesn’t sound natural. Jeremy Renner seems to gravitate towards action rolls, so his character seems a little more fitting. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many talking scenes in which the actors’ true acting abilities can be judged; they are mainly seen punching, kicking, and falling from high places.

All things considered, this isn’t really one of those movies where you expect to see Oscar-worthy performances. You want entertainment, and this is entertaining at the least, complete with questionable elements. One noticeably off factor is that the whole movie is set in Europe, so nearly everyone has some sort of faux, or real, European accent, but strangely Hansel and Gretel seem to be the only ones with American accents, though they were born in Europe. What is the purpose of that? Another questionable component is the out of place love scene between Hansel and a “white” witch in healing waters. It would seem as if the producers just threw it into the movie for good measure.

In all, this is one of those films that would translate better on television than it does on the big screen. If someone were bored and wanted to watch something entertaining without getting involved in the story, this would fit the bill. Otherwise, I wouldn’t recommend spending money on this one.

-Kellie Pena, written for reelticket.com